Tinknbubb

I think this is an important for me to post as it took me a long time to accept that it wasn't going to work out for us. My story is a very brief one that only lasted two weeks.  I struggled from the offset and had a lots of tears that went with that. When in hospital and the first few days home I was souly breast feeding but she would struggle to latch or would be onnfor such a short amount of tine and then be hungry a few minutes later.  When in hospital I remember getting very upaet and another Mum on the ward reassured me and said that it was a struggle with her too, this helped a little until that night. Lilly had been fussy since Daddy had left and wouldn't latch at all. In the end a lovely midwife came over, got me to lie on my side, got Lilly to latch a told me to close my eyes and gdt some sleep. She said that she would check on me soon and move Lilly if need be. I woke about 3 in the morning to find Lilly fast asleep in the cot. That was the only midwife in ...

This is a rather different post to what I normally write but I feel like I have to.  Looking back on my pregnancy and the first few months of having Lilly I was so naive. I really didn't know what I was doing and what I had to come. I was very lucky with my pregnancy on how it went. I never thought about how much my body would change or anything, I never brought a maternity item or any special creams for stretch marks so I ended up living in jogging bottoms or jeans held together with a hairtie.  The one thing that I did use was pretty natal vitamins from the very start.  Going into the final few week I packed my hospital bag which was almost OK as had watched a few YouTube video. I made sure that I had plenty of bits for Lilly and even took some milk cartons in to. I went into labor just as I wanted to, with my waters breaking and got very excited but ended up being sick for about an hour after they broke, I then went into panic mode which in ...

I have lit a candle tonight for all the little ones that have been taken to early from our lives. This is my memory of our very little one who never made possible the first trimester. At the age of 19, me and my other half decided that we should have a family together, we had our own flat, I had a good job, we were settled and ready. I fell very easily, within 1 month actually and we were so happy and couldn't believe it had happened so quickly. Every seemed to be fine and went to my doctor to tell him, we then got referred to a midwife and met her. It felt amazing!  A few days later while at home, I noticed some spotting, only a little but it got my heart racing. But tried to relax. It started to worsen so I phoned Liam who was concerned. The next morning we phoned the hospital and they told us to come in for a check, we went straight in for a scan and had bloods taken. The good news was, was that we were pregnant, the bad news was, was that our baby was...

So two years ago today was the first time i saw out little girl :) a small little baby on the screen. I remember sitting in the waiting room thinking all these what ifs?  what if there's nothing there? what if it was like before? what if the hearts not beating? the scariest part of my whole pregnancy I think.  But to our amazement and joy a little baby popped up on the screen in front of us. He kept moving the wand over my belly, it was surreal that the baby on the screen was in my belly.  I know the pain of bad news, being told sorry it not going to survive, but the second time was our turn and our little girls turn to be a part of this world.  I believe that I was more grateful for her but more worried through the whole time being pregnant because of my past. For those who have loved and lost, spare a thought. For no matter how long you are pregnant they are still a part of you.  Viki xx...