Tinknbubb

Lilly,    I don't quite know what to say apart from I miss you. You have started your new adventure as a school child and I couldn't be more proud of you. I have seriously felt lost these past couple of days and the days seem to have dragged so badly for me.     Your first day was yesterday and you seemed to do so well, you made friends, smiled when you came out and even ate some of the school dinner that you were given (cheesy potato hotpot). You looked so smart in you uniform but it's still only a 3-4 size jumper (so tiny).   Your teacher is Mrs Goodchild and she seems so nice, you said you liked her which has made me happy. Your teaching assistant is Miss Hardcastle, she is lovely and has been so helpful already, I just hope no-one makes you cry or hurts you.    I have so many anxious feelings right now and even more so yesterday but I know in the back of my mind I shouldn't as I know you have been ready for this move for...

This story starts back in the summer of 2014 when my symptoms of my anxiety really took hold and I got myself to the doctors for some help. I have always been more emotional than some people and certainly am a big over thinker of everything in life so I can see traits of anxiety right back to when I was about 12-13. And during my life I have experienced a lot of death and illness and seen a lot of things that you wouldn't want to.  But around July I noticed that I seemed to be crying a lot for no apparent reason and would sob for a good 15 minutes before I could calm down, my other half got a little bit worries so made me make an appointment with the doctor which I did. When I was the doctor I spoke to him about a few things that went around in my mind a lot and that could maybe contribute to the way I have been over the past few weeks. He decided to refer me to for Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to see if we could work out a way of controlling these tearful state...

I was never expecting to lose my mum at the age of 25, I don't think anyone does, but my mum was always so strong, conquered so much and fought so many illnesses and obstacles that in my head she was invincible. I don't quite know how to process my feelings lately because I know at the end she was very unwell and had a great way of hiding it but she is my mum, I need her so much. She has literally been the person who I have been able to open up to about everything, she was my best friend and my guide. Sometimes I think that I am relieved that she is not in pain anymore but most of the time I hate that she is not around anymore, I will never get a phone call about an ambulance that has rolled in on to there estate or a moan about Dad, I will never watch Lil's hold on to the back of her mobility scooter laughing her head off again. I am so proud of the women who brought me up, she was an incredible lady who touched a lot of hearts and proved a lot of profession...

I have had a year battle with anxiety which turned more servere back in November.    I have had to learn how to cope with my panoc disorder to a point which I can move on with my life and not let it affect my day to day situation.  Four ways that I find that help me a lot are music, exercise, reading and my family.  Music I find music can really help to take your mind off of the situation or feeling that can cause you panic. I keep my music upbeat and happy as I can find slow songs to be difficult to listen to. I try and use song that I can sing along to or dance to with my little one to completely imerse myself within the song. Exercise Excercise is good for you anyway but it can make you feel better within yourself and heighten your endorphins. It also again can take your mind off the situation in hand. I find that short burst exercise routines of youtube can be the most helpful as there is someone kind of there to do it with you....

I saw this on lived with love and thought that I would do it to as she kind of tagged everyone. 1. Lilly 2. Liam 3. Good days 4. Shopping 5. Holidays 6. Talking to my nieces 7. Taking photos 8. Vlogging 9. Reading 10. Doing pantomimes 11. Listening to music 12. Chocolate 13. Smoothies 14. Cooking with Lilly 15. A clean home 16. Reading Lilly a bedtime story 17. Watching motor racing 18. Snuggly days 19. Clean sheets 20. Special occasions (xmas, easter) 21. Harry Potter 22. Home cooked meals 23. Catching up with friends 24. My parents 25. New homely things 26. Coffee 27. Summer 28. Family days out 29. Yankee candles 30. Baking 31. Blogging 32. Recieveing parcels 33. The royals (tv show) 34. Romance films 35. Sunset 36. Warm baths 37. Pamper nights 38. Pajamas/onesies 39. Sticky toffee/caramel latte 40. Bath bombs 41. Call the midwife (most of the time) 42. Clothes shopping for Lilly 43. Being ...