Wave of light | Pregnancy and Infant loss
I have lit a candle tonight for all the little ones that have been taken to early from our lives.
This is my memory of our very little one who never made possible the first trimester.
At the age of 19, me and my other half decided that we should have a family together, we had our own flat, I had a good job, we were settled and ready.
I fell very easily, within 1 month actually and we were so happy and couldn't believe it had happened so quickly. Every seemed to be fine and went to my doctor to tell him, we then got referred to a midwife and met her. It felt amazing!
A few days later while at home, I noticed some spotting, only a little but it got my heart racing. But tried to relax. It started to worsen so I phoned Liam who was concerned.
The next morning we phoned the hospital and they told us to come in for a check, we went straight in for a scan and had bloods taken. The good news was, was that we were pregnant, the bad news was, was that our baby was mesuring three weeks behind what we were meant to be.
They told us not to get to worked up and sit to wait for the blood results. I tried to be normal and actually went to watch racing the night they were meant to be phoning, just to take my mind off of the situation.
About 8pm that night, I recieved the phonecall of which I can't remember. All I know is that is was not going to be a successful pregnancy. This was the worst possible news. I just broke down.
I felt incredibly numb and blamed myself, and still sometimes do. We went to Liams parents house that night as I could not face going home. It was such a struggle to sleep, he held me until I finally drifted off.
The following days were hard, knowing what the pain and bleeding were for. Unbearable at points. I was a mess for weeks and still think of our little one often.
We were blessed to be pregnant again six months after and we are very thankful for our Lilly. Our princess!